Friendship

The word "cancer" seems to leave most people at a loss for words.  I found this out first hand 16 months ago.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer and left the doctor's office in a daze.  Upon arriving home I gave my husband the "verdict."  He had very little to say about it; I NEEDED to talk about it.  What a pair we made!

In the time period between my diagnosis of breast cancer and the time of the actual surgery, my husband would only talk about it if pressed into a conversation.  I felt alone, very depressed, and unloved.  I didn't think he really cared for me or he would (at a time like this) BE there for me and show me moral support of some form or another.

The morning of my surgery we were at the hospital bright and early.  We just made small talk as we awaited my appointed hour.  It still amazes me how one can sit and chit chat about inconsequential things when their very life is about to be altered in a permanent way.

When the nurse came to wheel me away to pre-op, she said it would be ok for my husband to ride down in the patient's elevator with us.  He accompanied us as far as the waiting area and the nurse said we would continue on and that he could wait here.

There were several people already in the waiting area, and right in front of the nurse and the other people, my husband bent down and kissed me and said, "I love you."  This is something that the nurse had probably heard quite often, but you need to realize that for my husband to do this in PUBLIC, I was shocked to my socks (if I'd been wearing any!).  At that point I finally realized that he DID care.

I had a bi-lateral mastectomy and was released the next morning.  I felt fine as far as the surgery goes.  However, I was concerned about my "appearance" and how my husband would accept all this.  The surgeon had given me permission to take a tub bath if I so desired, so long as I kept the drainage tubes out of the water.

My husband offered to help me, and since I had four drainage tubes to contend with, I took him up on the offer.  I figured he may as well see me like this and get it over with already.  It seems that perhaps it was easier for HIM than it was me.  I looked at myself in the mirror, bit my lip to keep from crying, and got into the tub.

My husband started giving me a bath as if I were a small child.  He kept up a stream of idle chit chat the whole while as if this were a normal part of our daily routine.  Finally I couldn't keep the tears back any longer and he heard me sniffle.  At first he just kept right on with the bath, but finally he hugged me (as best he could under the circumstances) and told me he loved me. He said it didn't matter to him that I'd had both breasts removed.  He told me the important thing to him was that all the cancer had been removed and that I got well.

I had always felt close to my husband and had always considered him a friend.  But at that moment in the bathroom, I suddenly knew what the words "best friend" and "soulmate" meant.

T. Davis
Copyright 1999

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Never Underestimate the Power of Your Actions

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd. "I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends in the tomorrow), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!". There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Dang boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys who really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I did and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks, "he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years, your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give him or her. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it’s depth. Never underestimate the power of you actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life.

Author Unknown

For better of for worse, God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.